When two artists collide

Around this time of year, when I'm pounding out family session after family session after family session for Christmas cards, the creative side of me; the side that makes me love what I do gets restless and yearns for an outlet. PLEASE don't get me wrong, my beautiful families. I love you all and I feel so humbled to be able to capture your families. I just start to feel underwhelmed with the creativity that I have available to me doing 4-6 shoots a weekend. I try to be creative and different with each shoot, but sometimes my soul just wants to do something deeper. Something that draws emotion. Something that makes me work for it. 

In the process of re-inventing my business, I have been going through old photos to use for my new business cards. My search was halted when I stumbled upon this gallery of photos. I loved this session. It was not a paid session, it was a concept that started with a conversation over coffee with a dear friend that was heading down the same life journey that I had made a few years ago. The struggle with an ending marriage and trying to work through the emotions while still maintaining a strong image on the outside. For your clients, for your career, for your  babies....we are forced to put on a brave face and act like it doesn't hurt. To act like you are ok with the decision that you've made. But it hurts...a lot. It's not what you want for yourself. It's not what you want for your babies. It's a life altering decision and I couldn't begin to tell this beautiful woman what to do to make it "better". So we decided to use our passion as her creative outlet. This beautiful woman is a mom of TWO (I know...I hate her too for looking this good after two babies!) and an amazingly talented and humble model. She wanted to use this experience that she was going through to display more emotion in her work and I wanted to see if I had the capability of capturing such raw emotion as I knew she was feeling. That is where the concept for this shoot came from. I have to warn you that it is not my usual baby/family/senior post, so please....if you feel you may be offended by the rawness of this shoot, please go no further. This was intended purely as art.

We shot the whole session in the nasty, tiny bathroom of my mobile home that I was living in at the time. But it worked. Shannon could make anything work. As sessions usually do, it started out pretty mild. Just capturing her getting ready. Putting on the final touches on her makeup, fluffing her hair...

We sat in total silence and I could see her getting deeper and deeper into her own mind.

I wanted so badly to ask what she was thinking and feeling but I felt as though asking would break this very delicate bubble of glass that she had surrounded herself with. Thin enough to allow me to see but still in her own thoughts. I couldn't bring myself to shatter that with words.

 I have never seen Shannon cry. She was always this established, beautiful, strong young woman. It broke my heart to see her cry and know exactly what she was feeling. She cried...and I silently cried behind my camera taking fewer shots because I just couldn't bring myself to push the button. The guilt of capturing this raw emotion from her was almost unbearable but I forced myself to continue. This is what we wanted.

I'm honestly not sure when the decision to shower came in but it felt fitting. She had cried. She had dealt with the feelings that she was fighting. Now it was time to wash it all away. To wash away the perfection on the outside...the fake lashes...the lipstick...the smeared mascara. To wash away the pain and get back to Shannon. 

This beautifully broken Shannon was more beautiful than I have ever seen her.